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Today was a sunny, windy, freezing day, perfect for hopping in a car, blasting the heat, and heading down the road to Colonie, NY for the Colonie Diner. Located on the ever-busy Central Ave, Albany, the Colonie Diner has ample parking and looks like your average, run-of-the-mill diner.

We rolled in around 11:30am, though it still felt like 10:30am because of daylight savings time. We were seated in what might be the world’s most comfortable diner booth without having to wait. Seriously, the MOST comfortable booths — so cushy and soft, they looked brand new. It was like a Tempurpedic for just your butt.

As you can see, the interior was designed well and the booths all matched each other. The tables were at the perfect height regardless of how good or terrible your posture is, and even the counter seating looked new and pleasant. We ordered our usual coffee and water, the two ratings we use as our benchmark. One can usually tell what to expect from the food after having tasted the coffee and water.

Here they are, in all their glory, just chillin on the table like two peas in a pod. The “mugs,” if you can call them that, were more like teacups with saucers, and were definitely going to need to be filled more often than if they had been regular mugs. The creamers were nice and cold, which is, sadly, atypical of the majority of diners out there. We looked around to see if there were any waitresses that appeared to be old enough to have worked there since the dawn of time, but no dice. For those of you new to the blog, that’s one of our key points in determining the “diner-ness” of a place, which we’ll get to later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The menu, which was well put together in a logical order, had a wide variety of breakfast options, lunch items, and dinner specials, with a separate page for Senior Dinner Specials. For youngsters, there was an unimaginative kid’s menu, for picky anemic kids who refuse to eat anything except for chicken nuggets or mac and cheese.

I decided to order the Greek yogurt with nuts, honey, and fruit, because I’m trying to eat healthy (thanks for the slow metabolism, God) and a piece of cinnamon toast without butter. As it turns out, our waitress told me that their sad attempt at cinnamon toast was just white toast with butter, cinnamon and sugar on. Totally unacceptable, as I grew up in a household where our cinnamon was SWIRLED in our toast, so I ordered a piece of French Toast instead because how can that be anything other than what it sounds like?

The waitress, who was super nice and seemed to have my best interest in mind, told me that the fruit on top of the yogurt would be canned fruit. Um…no.  Matt ordered a spinach, onion and Swiss omelette with a bagel and homefries. Our coffees were refilled as we waited, and then within 5 minutes my yogurt was brought out. Apparently it was the breakfast version of an appetizer.

The nuts were walnuts and the honey tasted like an average store-bought honey, but it was great nonetheless. Not long after, the manager/owner brought the rest of our meals out, and Matt’s plate looked great. There was just one problem with his…

TOAST instead of a BAGEL?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Our waitress put in an order for the bagel, while she brought some Frank’s Red Hot out to Matt for his omelette. They also had a selection of French’s ketchup, the usual Smucker’s jelly organizer, and different colored sugar substitute packets.

I asked the waitress for real syrup for my sad-looking French toast, but they only had Smucker’s “Breakfast Syrup,” which is essentially corn syrup, sugar, and maple flavoring. I tried a little but it was awful and made me so, so sad. I also tried the French toast, but it tasted like a restaurant’s grill version of an Eggo Waffle (TM), as if the bread itself was French Toast flavored and they stuck it in a toaster to warm it up.

Confectioner’s sugar can’t cover your LIES

It was terrible so I didn’t eat it, but I was mostly full from the yogurt parfait. Matt’s omelette was good, so we’re rating the food a 3/5. Nothing spectacular, just average. Service is a 4 out of 5, the waitress seemed to be trying her best to do a good job in spite of sluggish management, and she sounded disappointed in their food quality when we were ordering. When we went to pay, however, there were four different people at the register within 90 seconds – first our waitress, then the manager/owner, than a hostess, then some other guy. It was wholly inefficient, and as two 7-tops had just walked in, people started getting confused and parties were seated in the wrong order. Our coffee was a 3, as it had a gritty aftertaste. The water was a 3 as well, nice and cold but average.

The dinerness of the Colonie Diner is a 4 out of 5. Plenty of chrome accents, desserts in a refrigerated display case, and typical diner fare.

Have you been to the Colonie Diner? Would you recommend it? Comment below or visit us on our Facebook page to catch up with us and see where else we’ve been.

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